Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The BOMB (Script of my favourite part of the movie) INT. WAR ROOM - COMMAND BRIDGE Air Force General "BUCK" SCHMUCK is speaking as the scene opens. The huge, polished wood table is neatly spread with the remains of breakfast. Eggs and bacon, melon, toast, silver thermos jugs of coffee, pastries, and glasses of ice water. GENERAL "BUCK" SCHMUCK In conclusion, I should like to observe that: One, our hopes for recalling the 843rd Bomb Wing are next to nothing. Two, in about fifteen minutes the enemy will be making radar contacts with our planes. Three, when they do, they will go absolutely Ape, and strike back with everything they've got. Four, if prior to this we haven't done anything to suppress their retaliatory abilities, we will suffer virtual annihilation - in round numbers a hundred and fifty million killed. Five, if we immediately launch an all-out missile attack on their bases, we stand an excellent chance of catching them off guard. In that event, we will destroy the bulk of their retaliatory strength, prevail in the struggle, and suffer relatively modest and acceptable civilian casualties. He pauses and confidently looks around the table. The PRESIDENT stares at him inscrutably. GENERAL "BUCK" SCHMUCK If I may, I'd like to illustrate my conclusion with a very brief story. (a squinty-eyed smile) I played guard on my high-school football team. I wasn't particularly big for the line, and my coach once told me something I've never for- gotten. "Schmucko" he said - that was what they called me in those days - "Schmucko, always remember this. The harder you hit the other fellow, the less you'll get hurt." (confidently checks each game) My recommendation is that we follow General Ripper's action to its logical end. In other words, to hit the other fellow as hard as we can! No one says anything. ADMIRAL PERCY BULDIKE What's your estimate of casualties if we strike first? ADMIRAL PERCY BULDIKE is a model of the crisp, tough Navy man. His lean, rugged features are lit by an obvious intelligence. GENERAL "BUCK" SCHMUCK Under those circumstances, oh, I'd say for us twenty to fifty million, depending on the breaks. For the enemy, something on the order of fifty million, if we stick to military targets. ADMIRAL PERCY BULDIKE You are very casual about those figures, General Schmuck. GENERAL "BUCK" SCHMUCK Not at all, Admiral Buldike. Naturally, we all deeply regret such a sad loss - and let me be the first to say, I don't like the idea one bit that we'd be clobbering their women and children. But quit a few of their bases are very close to cities and towns, and to would be unavoidable. PRESIDENT MUFFLEY Well, gentlemen, do you concur with General Schmuck? There is a nervous silence. GENERAL "BUCK" SCHMUCK Mister President, regretable as such a choice is, there is a quantitative difference between fifty and a hundred and fifty million of our dead.