Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The BOMB
(Script of my favourite part of the movie)
INT. WAR ROOM - COMMAND BRIDGE
Air Force General "BUCK" SCHMUCK is speaking as the scene opens.
The huge, polished wood table is neatly spread with the remains of
breakfast. Eggs and bacon, melon, toast, silver thermos jugs of
coffee, pastries, and glasses of ice water.
GENERAL "BUCK" SCHMUCK
In conclusion, I should like to observe that:
One, our hopes for recalling the 843rd Bomb
Wing are next to nothing. Two, in about
fifteen minutes the enemy will be making radar
contacts with our planes. Three, when they
do, they will go absolutely Ape, and strike
back with everything they've got. Four, if
prior to this we haven't done anything to
suppress their retaliatory abilities, we will
suffer virtual annihilation - in round numbers
a hundred and fifty million killed. Five, if
we immediately launch an all-out missile
attack on their bases, we stand an excellent
chance of catching them off guard. In that
event, we will destroy the bulk of their
retaliatory strength, prevail in the struggle,
and suffer relatively modest and acceptable
civilian casualties.
He pauses and confidently looks around the table. The PRESIDENT
stares at him inscrutably.
GENERAL "BUCK" SCHMUCK
If I may, I'd like to illustrate my conclusion
with a very brief story.
(a squinty-eyed smile)
I played guard on my high-school football team.
I wasn't particularly big for the line, and my
coach once told me something I've never for-
gotten. "Schmucko" he said - that was what
they called me in those days - "Schmucko,
always remember this. The harder you hit
the other fellow, the less you'll get hurt."
(confidently checks each game)
My recommendation is that we follow General
Ripper's action to its logical end. In
other words, to hit the other fellow as hard as
we can!
No one says anything.
ADMIRAL PERCY BULDIKE
What's your estimate of casualties if we
strike first?
ADMIRAL PERCY BULDIKE is a model of the crisp, tough
Navy man. His lean, rugged features are lit by an obvious intelligence.
GENERAL "BUCK" SCHMUCK
Under those circumstances, oh, I'd say for us
twenty to fifty million, depending on the breaks.
For the enemy, something on the order of fifty
million, if we stick to military targets.
ADMIRAL PERCY BULDIKE
You are very casual about those figures,
General Schmuck.
GENERAL "BUCK" SCHMUCK
Not at all, Admiral Buldike. Naturally, we all
deeply regret such a sad loss - and let me be
the first to say, I don't like the idea one bit
that we'd be clobbering their women and children.
But quit a few of their bases are very close to
cities and towns, and to would be unavoidable.
PRESIDENT MUFFLEY
Well, gentlemen, do you concur with General
Schmuck?
There is a nervous silence.
GENERAL "BUCK" SCHMUCK
Mister President, regretable as such a choice
is, there is a quantitative difference between
fifty and a hundred and fifty million of our
dead.